Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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