I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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