Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
