True but thats because hes a fetus.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
