Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your cock deserves a montage
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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