Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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