I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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