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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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