i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
