Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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