she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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