Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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