He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
