sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
