There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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