the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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