I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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