There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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