AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
