I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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