I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
