We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
