I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
