RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm really busy with my period
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