I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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