Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
why is half of my head shaved?
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