my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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