it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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