Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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