Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
