6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
