I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
