y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There are leaves in my underwear?
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