Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
