Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
