Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
