I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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