Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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