Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
