i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
