we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
