Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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