Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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