Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
