they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
