i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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