Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
