I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize