haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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