so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
