I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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