yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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