I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
