how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
