Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
