Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
