fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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