She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
