Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
