Just fell off a train. Bad.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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