I'm so fucking centered right now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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