anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
