Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
