dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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