Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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