Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
