I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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