I'm going to jail i love you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
