K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
