He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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