How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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