Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
