My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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